Careful where you swing that axe, doc

Maybe my standards are unreasonably high -- but I fully expect every surgeon in the country to be able to find the body part he's supposed to operate on.

Apparently, this is too much to ask... because years after being declared a "never event" because they should "never" happen, wrong-site surgeries keep right on happening.

And now, one new report estimates that they happen 40 times a week in the United States alone.

Looks like "never" ain't what is used to be, because that's more than 2,000 cases a year where docs operate on the wrong body part -- or pick the right part... but on the wrong patient.

You'd think the first thing a surgeon would do in the OR is check his patient's name -- you're allowed to ask, you know -- but I've heard of men going in for minor procedures and coming out sans prostate.

Look, this isn't brain surgery -- at least brain surgeons know which part of the body they're operating on (I hope). The screw-ups often happen during far more routine procedures when complacent docs, nurses and everyone else simply stop paying attention to who's on the table, who's in what room, and even crucial details like which way the X-ray is supposed to face.

Some of these docs literally can't tell left from right anymore.

The Joint Commission Center for Transforming Healthcare, which came out with the new numbers, says it hopes for improved communication between doctors and the rest of the staff as well as a "timeout" before each operation.

What is this, some kind of game?

You want to know what'll really change this once and for all? Give a surgeon the ultimate timeout when he botches the job this badly -- lock him up and and throw away his license... one strike, and you're out!

Trust me, the threat of some quality time in the clink alone would have these guys quadruple-checking every last detail before they even look at the scalpel.

But that's not going to happen -- so before you go under the knife, go under the magic marker first. Turn yourself into the Illustrated Man if you have to, with a roadmap on your body leading the surgeon right to the spot he's supposed to operate on.

'X' marks the spot,

William Campbell Douglass II, M.D.